"Grandma's boy, is like, one of my favorite movies!"

SuperBad

If you liked the movie, here's the f'n short version. Its perfect. All the whiny teen angst bullshit, that we'd all thought had been erased from our brains with endless rounds of Carbombs, MindErasers, PurpleMotherF'rs and Liquid Cocaine. In case you don't know about the last one, it can erase an entire Christmas Eve. There is also the gag real from the DVD out now, but you can find that yourself.

Down the rabbit hole

Tarsem Singh's next trippy movie, completed in 2006. Don't know what's the hold up. Its his first movie since The Cell in 2000, not counting a REM video.

Paint two W's on my cheeks!

This keeps getting better and better every time they put out a new trailer. I'll say top three movie of the summer. They haven't hinted at it yet, but I believe there is an Incredible Hulk cameo and vice versa.



RD Jr. is channeling his character from Natural Born Killers real well with a dash of brilliant asshole. Probably like not acting at all!
Update!!: Here's a HD link without Quicktime lag badness.

Zamboni's revenge!

It finally got one of those stupid Ice dancers, skating sluts or whatever they're called.

I miss my cable!

Best episode of Space Ghost C2C evar!

Instant Sex Change

He had surgery to fix Little Johnny. He then spent the next few days with bags of ice to keep the swelling down.

Terminator's low battery

Just like the title.

Sometimes it's hard to come up with a full-length, balls-to-the-wall rant, but a lot of "too long for Twitter, too short for a whole post" ideas float in and out of my head all the time. Here's 10 things every adult really ought to know, but a lot of people are apparently just too fucking stupid to figure out:

1. Having sex can cause pregnancy. This one seems too obvious to mention, but judging from the number of accidental children in the world, I thought it bore repeating. Nothing is 100% effective against pregnancy except abstinence, or the removal of your ovaries or testicles. (Incidentally, abortion is still legal in the US and most of Europe, just in case.)
2. If you cover your face with piercing jewelry, you may not be able to find a job. This also goes for doing weird things to your hair, and getting tattoos in conspicuous places. And for fuck's sake, don't give me any bullshit about "freedom of expression", you little dumbass. You go right ahead and express yourself all you want, but body modification is not a constitutionally protected belief system. They can't not hire you for being a Jew, but they certainly can not hire you for looking like a fucking freak. (caveat: I have both piercings and tattoos … nothing against tattoos, piercings or fucking freaks. Just don't whine about it when you're treated like one.)
3. It's 2008. Racism is seriously outdated. That means, yes Florida, it is unacceptable to refer to that black guy on TV as a "junglebunny." Also, don't use the word "they" as though black folks are some separate species who all think and act the same way. They're "They" are humans, not dogs. And do I really need to remind you that "nigger" is a bad word?! Here's a nice rule of thumb for you, dearie: If you wouldn't say it to a black person's face, you probably shouldn't be saying it at all. (For those of you who really don't get it, this also applies to spics, pakis, chinks, gooks, jews kikes, towelheads, and anyone else you care to slander.)
4. Spontaneous anal sex often involves small amounts of feces.
5. Anal sex. No
6. Marijuana ... naaahh, I'll leave this alone too.
   
7. Creationism is bullshit. Seriously. A big magic guy in the clouds did not wiggle his fingers and create the earth in 6 days. Didn't fucking happen. And I think anyone who professes to believe such a thing ought to be barred from political office. What if there was a religion claiming the world was flat, and the whole "round" thing was just an optical illusion created by God to test our faith? Would ANYONE be suggesting we teach it in schools? Would anyone vote for a politician who claimed to believe it? For fuck's sake, people. It's 2008. We have fossils. We have carbon dating. Get a clue!
8. You have no right to be proud, unless you did it yourself. That goes for anything from racial pride to patriotism. Your race, gender and nationality are fucking accidents of birth. Being proud of something you got stuck with when mamma squeezed you out is stupid. You have a right to be proud of your own personal accomplishments, and perhaps those of your children (if you were actually a good parent, and your kids didn't succeed by sheer bloody-mindedness alone). That's it. Your parents fucked, Mom got knocked up, and ~9 months later, there you were. Race, gender and nationality handed to you out of some cosmic lottery machine. Fuck your white pride, black pride, national pride, and all the horseshit that goes along with it.
9. Police and Politicians have a lot in common. Maybe half of them go into their chosen careers wanting to genuinely do good. Save people, and make the world a better place and all that. The other half are greedy, power-hungry fucks. And the good half? After a few years on the job, most of them have become so corrupted and/or insulated from the real world, they become vicious, rotten twats too. You can't trust 90% of either of 'em.
10. America is not #1. Well, not unless you count military spending and handgun related deaths. We're shit at public education. Florida's basis for collegiate spending is how well the sports programs are peforming. Our health care system is both the most expensive and the least effective in the developed world. Literacy, infant mortality, per capita living below the poverty line and/or without any health insurance … etc., etc. We're kind of horrible at a whole lot of things, if you want to be honest about it. We're also, on average, fat as fuck.

Tastes like chicken.

Dad said he cooked 300 squab for the neighborhood dinner. Then I found this...
it was labeled
"Family reunions can be tough"

Robot Chicken

Not from season three, but on the DVD.

I wish...

I wish I could write this. But, I can't, so I'll just steal it and post it!

Drunk Lemurs

Is it a case of art imitating life, or life imitating art?

"Dilbert," the newspaper comic that routinely ridicules self-important office managers, is taking aim this week at an Iowa company that fired an employee for posting a "Dilbert" strip in the office.

In a bit of self-referential cartooning, "Dilbert" creator Scott Adams has penned a series of strips that indirectly describe the plight of Dave Steward, a former security supervisor for Catfish Bend Casino in Burlington. Steward, 50, a resident of Fort Madison, was fired by the casino last fall after seven years of employment. He had posted on an office bulletin board a "Dilbert" strip in which the protagonist compares his bosses to a bunch of "drunken lemurs."

Read the rest here.

Redneck for a day

Did a ride along, 4 laps, 1.5 minutes!
I got belted in, driver says "ready?" and hits it. I think I got the best ride of the day because there we no other cars on the track. First turn I thought I was on my side looking at the pavement. The turns are 14 degree embankments. With my head slamming against the inside frame of the car it was a little disorienting at first, besides feeling a little dizzy. Out of the turn to speed up and all you can feel is the raw power of the engine and a hell of a lot of noise. No talking during this ride (that's what she said!)
I tried to remain upright as possible during the turns, but that's probably what sent me to the chiropractor this week. They need a fake steering wheel or something to hang on. After the race I talked to the guy that drive the truck if an accident happens. I think the fumes are getting to him. He told us the exact same story when we were waiting to enter the track 30 minutes ago. Almost word for word! But, all together a fun time and maybe I'll save up for the drive. As long as my wife doesn't hear about the guy who died at Daytona.

Make St Patty's Day a National Holiday

Click here

One million signatures are needed by midnight March 16th.
There are 9 times more Irish Americans in the US than there are Irish in Ireland.
Its time for this to become a real holiday since nobody gets any real work done anyways.
Next I will work for St Andrews to be celebrated. Nov 29, for Scotland.

You, Sir, are not Guitar Hero!

Scott Ian of Anthrax fails miserably at his own song on easy. He even complains that he can't do the solo because he is the rhythm guitarist.

Am I tripping?

Happy VD! Flashbacks suck.

Mmmmmmmm, stolen candy!

I've always wanted to do this. Seriously, who hasn't?

... need a bigger boat?

RIP Roy Scheider.

Hockey Fight

From RIT. If you like this there is also, hockeyfight.com.



Happy VD!

Lego Batman

Now if only they can make a Lego game of this like Lego StarWars.

The Picard Song

You have to be a trekkie for this, sorry.



There was never 4 lights, dumbass.

Update: Charles, NOOOOOO, Get out of my head!!! This will be stuck in your head all day.

Sorry Pat Fan, Part Deux

I can't help but laugh at this. I'll still root for the Sox over the Yankees.

And I might actually like the Celtics, but if Cleveland is in it again....

Breaking News!

Can news actually be broken? Is it that fragile?
Anyways, Costco just applied for a license to sell their own brand of beers through the Kirkland label. There we have it, one more step towards "Welcome to Costco, I love you!"

Terry B. is awesome :)

"Hey Seacrest, the only time I thought I'd see you at a Super Bowl, man, would be as a cheerleader."- Terry Bradshaw

February sucks!

Not much is worth watching during this month, unless you are really, really into the NBA. Which they only show once or twice a week. There's hockey too, this guy makes it interesting.



There's golf on, yea-... no.

Two Fingers and Helmet

This guy sees that there is a problem with the game clock, etc, etc... I'll let him explain.
Here's what really happened. The NFL doesn't want the Pats to win, since they had been caught cheating. "See this shiny silver trophy here? The Lombardi, can't have it, not yours."
NFL to New England, suck it!



I will continue to back the only true NY team, the Buffalo Bills.

Go Giants!

Here's to a good game. I hope its not over by the 3rd quarter.

Miami trip

I'll fill in more detail later...

Why you tease me?

Bacon Candy

* Prep: 5 mins
* Cook: 30 mins
* Ready in: 35 mins
* Serves:
Part of these featured cookbooks:
* AOL Tailgating

Ingredients

* 1 lb Bacon (not thick-cut)
* 1/4 cup Brown sugar

Cooking Instructions
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.
Slice bacon into 1/2 inch strips and dredge in brown sugar until thoroughly coated.
Crumple aluminum foil to allow for grease drainage and place it on a baking sheet. Lay out the bacon on this making sure not to overlap pieces.
Bake until crispy. Allow to cool and harden before serving.
Notes

It'll be the very first thing that's munched up if you bring it to a party. Guaranteed. Serve with bacon martinis and a side of defibrillator.