Black Wednesday

In case you haven't noticed, over the last decade, bars have been having their best night of the year in November. That would be the night before Thanksgiving. The night everybody comes home from college. Usually with assignments due on Monday that they have known all semester. ER is on right now. Kid from college is at party, meets a girl, she says she's a sophomore. Too bad he doesn't know its High School! In honor of those type nights, here's a list of official drinking rules.

1. The word "Drink" and any of its derivatives such as "Drank" or "Drinking" etc, may not be used.
2. Glasses should be held with the off-hand (left hand for a right-hander) with the pinkie raised off the glass.
3. Glasses should rest a safe distance from the table's edge, usually about 2 inches at least. I don't actually get this one. If its close to the edge, you're probably going to lose it at some point, then you're just a dumbass.
4. No pointing at anyone - this is just plain rude.
5. Empty glasses should be replaced immediately by a new beverage. Don't know if this actually needs to be a rule.
6. Vessels (like a boat?) which are non-conducive to downing i.e. bottles must be replaced with glasses.
7. erased for lameness- replaced with no swearing. Very hard to do as the night goes on.
8. Nobody shall refer to another by their first name, only by surnames, nicknames or by "oi, you" etc.
9. The toilet-master must be asked permission whenever a person needs to go to the john. He'll almost always grant it. Or person going is automatically beer bitch for everyone.
10. Anyone can at any point place their thumb on the drinking surface. Everybody else must follow suit, until there is one person who hasn't. Or thumb on forehead after belch.


Ha! I kill me!