4 minutes of The Watchmen

Watchmen Exclusive

If this doesn't get out of court, we won't be seeing this in March.

Smashup

Do people get paid for these or are they just really bored?

When you see it

you will shit bricks.

Merry Christmas Charlie Brown

This is horrible and yet brilliant at the same time.

Ice racing

Christmas Music

Normally you can't go 2 seconds without hearing Christmas music on the radio. Sadly, there are no stations playing the holiday music here in Omaha. I find I kind of miss it. Except that one about raining on Christmas Eve, I miss that like I would miss a case of syphilis.

Christmas Shootout

2 days left

or is it three? I can't count and it doesn't matter.

Eric Idle - Fuck Christmas
Uploaded by sweetanie

Twilight

I'll save you the $10 bucks to see this. Don't even bother with the book. It only takes 3 minutes.

5 days...

6 days felt

Have you completed your shopping. I completed mine Tuesday which is probably the earliest ever.

New Year's Hockey

They are playing outside again. The Winter Classic is being played this year at Wrigley field. I don't think anything will top last years at Rich Stadium, home of the Buffalo Bills.

Eddie Murphy is the new Riddler

NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONNOONONNONONONONONNOONNONOHTOMW@P@HYMNG F FFGFEBGFDFRGYUJ*HBGTFFRSEZCRCDE$SWYVFUG{RD1!@#@!!!
This is just so wrong. I hope and pray there will be a follow up the the Sun is wrong.
story here

7 days to go...

Wolverine Trailer

Full screen HD full flexing goodness.
X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE HD

Just one mistake, Sabretooth has long hair.

All Nightmare Long

Pt II
Got a video I won't get sued over.

8 days to go

OK, it's a little early. This gets better as the drunks try to sing along.

Terminator Salvation

Just in case you missed it...

9 days to go...

Santa vs Jesus

Amy Poehler retires.

Great finale.

10 days to go

Wolverine trailer

For summer of 09.

Ok, just kidding, you have to watch CNN tomorrow to watch it, just kidding, you can see it here (clicky).

Crakatron

I love stereotypes.
Crackatron, Episode 1

Atom.com: Funny Videos | Atom Originals | Cartoon Carnage

All Nightmare Long

They didn't play this when I saw them in concert last month. Probably my favorite track on the new album. The single drops today. The official video can be found on metallica.com.

Disturbing

Christmas Lights

Here we go again with the computerized house lights. The neighbors must love this.

Amazing Christmas Lights Display - Watch more free videos

A Christmas so lame...

it needs subtitles.

A Christmas Story Remix

He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.

KG wants a second ring

Really badly too. Enough to make his teammates cry. Big Baby.

Dead Snow

I'm getting tickets now!!

The Dark Knight returns

“THE DARK KNIGHT” RETURNS TO THE BIG SCREEN ON JANUARY 23RD

THE WIDELY ACCLAIMED HIT WILL BE RE-RELEASED IN THEATRES AND IMAX.

Rudolph the Red

One of the few times MadTV has been funny. Yes, it's finally been cancelled.

Full Metal Rudolph

For some reason I find the SFW version better.

On an unrelated note, Terminator Salvation will be getting a first look on Entertainment Tonight this Tuesday, December 9.

Real Snow

If I can get a nice snowfall of a foot or more, I might be as happy as this dog.

Jingle Bells

Rambo style. Do I have a theme going here? Maybe its just to relieve my pain of the next 5 months of winter. It snowed again today. I love how the weathermen hype it up. A quick drive and a swipe from the wipers and the cars was clear. I see more grass than snow, looks more like frost. If there is going to be snow, let it be the kind that is so deep your knees are frozen, your gloves are wet and you can't feel your toes. This kind is just annoying. But I digress...

Star Trek

JJ Abrams turn to restart a franchise, like Batman (worked) and Superman (didn't).
I hope he doesn't screw this up.

A Wish for Wings that Work

Did you ever see the Bloom County cartoon? I didn't even know there was one!

Part II

Part III

Bob and Doug

Cyber Monday

Best prank ever.

The Holidays are here!

Its time for a beer!

Happy Thanksgiving, Part II

Happy Thanksgiving!

I give thanks for not being in Omaha at this time next year.

Picard vs Vader

Chazz Palminteri

Maybe the kid should wrestle Mickey.

Shawshank Redemption

how it would have ended if it was made 10 years earlier. This is in my book of "Sucked-In" movies. These are flicks that when you are channel surfing and most likely need to be doing something important, you will watch it, no matter how long ago it started. For example, its Saturday afternoon, you really need to mow the lawn, but just a bit too hungover, so while channel surfing... MTV Cribs...Best Week Ever, Paid Commercial with Billy Mays(too much screaming, next)...Monk... Shawshank.... Mouse Hunt... wait go back, Shawshank. He's tarring the roof, ooooooOOOOOOooooo, he's about to get thrown off into the courtyard, what's gonna happen? Next thing you know, its dark out, you're hungry and the dog pee'd in the kitchen.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Is Sarah Palin saying something?

I have no idea what she said. All I could pay attention to is the grinning idiot behind her killing turkey. I couldn't help myself but I started laughing when the second bird started to kick. Watch this with the sound off, it won't make a difference. Unless, you can hear the turkey.

Don't ever eat the corndogs.

I saw Quantum of Solace, crappy title, not even explained, but otherwise AWESOME! 3 kick-ass action sequences to start the film, I was very happy with this flick despite some lukewarm reviews. Yes, they showed my favorite cocktail again, the Vespa. In case you missed it, 3 parts (Gordon's) gin, 1 part vodka, 1/2 part Lillet Blanc (hard to find, but one bottle makes ~60 drinks) and a twist of lemon. I usually don't have a lemon to twist, so citrus vodka works. The trailers were spectacularly crappy. I am so sick of Will Smith, closet Scientologist. Here's a good trailer, follow up to SuperBad but not a real sequel.

The Wrestler

We don't like Bush.

Wow, no love at all. I wonder why?

New Guitar Hero

on a bike, wach the handlebars, the lights are in sync. Next they could do a song that goes something like "too much time on my hands..."

UPDATE: ...and of course it's viral marketing.

Best Birthday ever!

Was it rigged?

Rays mascot get fired

Probably for this...

Star Wars 2

Just a little advertising for the new show on Nov 16. I still can't decide which was better, Robot Chicken or Family Guy, but point goes to RC for doing it first.

50 things...

you didn't know about President-elect Barack Obama.
• He collects Spider-Man and Conan the Barbarian comics
• He was known as "O'Bomber" at high school for his skill at basketball
• His name means "one who is blessed" in Swahili
• His favorite meal is wife Michelle's shrimp linguini
• He won a Grammy in 2006 for the audio version of his memoir, Dreams From My Father
• He is left-handed – the sixth post-war president to be left-handed
• He has read every Harry Potter book
• He owns a set of red boxing gloves autographed by Muhammad Ali
• He worked at Baskin-Robbins as a teen and now can't stand ice cream
• His favorite snacks are chocolate-peanut protein bars
• He ate dog meat, snake meat, and roasted grasshopper while living in Indonesia
• He can speak Spanish
• While on the campaign trail he refused to watch CNN and had sports channels on
• His favorite drink is black forest berry iced tea
• He promised Michelle he would quit smoking before running for president – he didn't
• He kept a pet ape called Tata while in Indonesia
• He can bench press 200lbs
• He was known as Barry until college when he asked to be addressed by his full name
• His favorite book is Moby-Dick by Herman Melville
• He visited Wokingham, Berks, in 1996 for the stag party of his half-sister's fiancé, but left when a stripper arrived
• His desk in his Senate office once belonged to Robert Kennedy
• He and Michelle made $4.2 million last year, much coming from sales of his books
• His favourite films are Casablanca and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
• He carries a tiny Madonna and child statue and a bracelet belonging to a soldier in Iraq for good luck
• He applied to appear in a black pin-up calendar while at Harvard but was rejected by the all-female committee.
• His favorite music includes Miles Davis, Bob Dylan, Bach and The Fugees
• He took Michelle to see the Spike Lee film Do The Right Thing on their first date
• He enjoys playing Scrabble and poker
• He doesn't drink coffee and rarely drinks alcohol
• He would have liked to have been an architect if he were not a politician
• As a teenager he took drugs including marijuana and cocaine
• His daughters' ambitions are to go to Yale before becoming an actress (Malia, 10) and to sing and dance (Sasha, 7)
• He hates the youth trend for trousers which sag beneath the backside
• He repaid his student loan only four years ago after signing his book deal
• His house in Chicago has four fire places
• Daughter Malia's godmother is Jesse Jackson's daughter Santita
• He says his worst habit is constantly checking his BlackBerry
• He uses an Apple Mac laptop
• He drives a Ford Escape Hybrid, having ditched his gas-guzzling Chrysler 300
• He wears $1,500 Hart Schaffner Marx suits
• He owns four identical pairs of black size 11 shoes
• He has his hair cut once a week by his Chicago barber, Zariff, who charges $21
• His favorite fictional television programmes are Mash and The Wire
• He was given the code name "Renegade" by his Secret Service handlers
• He was nicknamed "Bar" by his late grandmother
• He plans to install a basketball court in the White House grounds
• His favorite artist is Pablo Picasso
• His specialty as a cook is chilli
• He has said many of his friends in Indonesia were "street urchins"
• He keeps on his desk a carving of a wooden hand holding an egg, a Kenyan symbol of the fragility of life
• His late father was a senior economist for the Kenyan government

Recap

So,yeah, its been awhile. Let me expain -- No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marrying Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour, so all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the Princess, make our escape after I kill Count Rugen. Tampa Bay Rays loses the World series, both the Bills and Bucs are looking shaky and I have a great time at the Metallica concert. Here's the set list:
11/6/08 Qwest Center , Omaha, NE
That Was Just Your Life, The End of the Line- Death Magnetic
Creeping Death- Ride the Lightning
The Thing That Should Not Be- Master of Puppets
One- ...and Justice for All
Broken, Beat & Scarred, Cyanide- Death Magnetic
Sad But True, Wherever I May Roam- Metallica (the Black Album)
No Remorse- Kill 'em All
The Day That Never Comes- Death Magnetic
Master Of Puppets- guess which?
Fight Fire With Fire- Ride the Lightning
Nothing Else Matters, Enter Sandman- Metallica
Die Die My Darling- Garage Inc
Blitzkrieg- Creeping Death EP
Seek and Destroy- Kill 'em All
The crowd was very responsive to the new, as well as old favorite songs. They played a much better show than last time I saw them in Tampa, Nov 2004. But, the Tampa show had a better opening act, Godsmack. This time it was The Sword and Down. I was just able to catch the end of Down's set and they sounded good. I wonder how the conversation went with the former lead singer of Pantera, now lead for Down, to open for Metallica. Phil had previously dogged Metallica for not being real metal back in the 90's. But Pepper is good friends with Metallica, so that's probably why they are along. I'm listening to The Sword as I write this and so far not impressed. Somebody must be, since they are around for the full tour, even while doing other side gigs along the way. Down drops out later and Lamb of God is the replacement.
Anyway, I am a big fan of the Death Magnetic and the songs a good live. They punch it up in the middle of 4 new songs with One then 2 crowd pleasers from the black album. Looks live the Black album is Omaha's favorite. But I was standing next to an old school fan so we both were excited to hear Thingy. Its in my top 5 and to hear it live was just pure awesomeness. I wonder when they might stop playing Enter Sandman. I've heard James say he hates the song now and his fav to play live is Fuel. The closing songs of Die and Blitz had my wife pissed off. She wanted more album stuff. They turned up the house lights and released giant inflated black beach balls. I'm sure they thought the crowd would bounce them all around but they were quickly snagged as mementos. I couldn't get a pic, but a dude on the floor with an eyepatch with a ball bigger than him would have made a good pic. If I can figure out how to edit the awful camera video together I might put that up. Email me if you would like to be tortured with 4 - 15 sec clips of shitty quality sound and video. All made possible by Samsung. I'm listening to Lamb of God now... I can't stand this either. Switch over to Down. Now, I'm mad I missed this. They sound good. Temptations Wings real good. Sounds real close to being Pantera again.

Happy Birthday Lou Ferrigno

Shown at his best, but also at Arnold's best, before steriods get everybody bloated and freakish. Arnold should have won but was beaten by Arnold's head games.

Music obviously not from the original.

RIP Michael Crichton

Yes, I'm a little late on this. Thought I would put up my fav. No word yet on the statis of four movies in the works he was producing.

Click on the video to open a new page to go full screen.

Windows Matrix

Windows is like the Deltas in A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. Hotlinked in case you are bored.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Giraffe!

Yeah, this took awhile to show up. I've been a little behind in my duties. But my paladin just learned resurrection, so I am so popular right now.

About Last Night

In case you have been under a rock, Obama won the 2008 Presidential Election race. Of course, South Park already has an episode about it. This show is freaking hilarious!

South Park TV - 1212 - About Last Night (VOSTFR) partie 1
Uploaded by RefuseResist

Sorry about the subtitles.

South Park TV - 1212 - About Last Night (VOSTFR) partie 2
Uploaded by RefuseResist

Kiss a Wookie

Never hear soundtracks the same way again.

Obama wins election

Running commentary starting just before Obama gives his acceptance speech:
All is right in the world,
So, Obama has won. Let's see if it has been all worthwhile. Will he be more than the P.ot.U.S.A, but a planetary leader. Nice suit, they must have made improvements in bulletproof jackets.
Secret service probably shit bricks over Obama win. More work for them with all the dumbass rednecks left in the country.
Just told kids they are getting puppy. Will be most popular dog in USA soon? I hope he gets a mutt. Symbolism and all. Love the name “Axelrod”- he's chief of staff?. Dude should have been military. Nice to see mix of races everywhere celebrating this. Even in Harlem. It took 40 years but the Dream has finally happened. I think he just quoted JFK, “government by the people, for the people, shall not perish, etc. Jesse Jackson, Senator(?) from GA who took a beating in march with MLK JR. I don't remember in my lifetime seeing a turn out like this for voting/ presidential candidate win. Crowds in NYC and Chicago are huge. A small crowd outside of White House. Massachusetts votes to decriminalize weed. Watch the jail population cut by third over next 2 years
they just put lots o money in their pocket with a fine instead.
Wonder if obama will start bodybuilding on gov Schwarzenegger's comment-
“his legs are too skinny!”
CBS showning all the celbs, Jesse Jackson, Oprah during 106 year old black woman voter story
btw... this is the big speech, bush will be forgotten as obama “de facto” pres
maybe we should get him the pope mobile, 125k plus in the park
oprah is crying, jesse too, awwww, all pres and vp family on stage, {group hug}
results of nebraska voting for pres, nader was on the ticket again, 2k+ voted for him, half coming from northern omaha??? listen i'm all for more parties, but on the surface this looks dumb
now 200k+ ppl?, either way huge crowd, election day needs to be holiday
if we can get ppl out to vote like this all the time you could see the return of an actual democracy
maybe even vote to end lobbying, i know its a stretch even Mr. Fantastic might not be able to handle
(local news cutting in with nothing important to say)
Obama 44th pres in 200+ yrs, 1st blk guy (even though just half)
Nice to see no controversy, wins pop vote by 4 mil so far, and 330+ elec coll votes
Battleground states, Ohio, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Florida, Colorado, Iowa, Virginia go for Obama
possibly even Missouri (still not called at 2am CST) who has voted for the elected pres all but once since the 50's
if al franken can win,(probably recount now) do we see pumpkin head and hannity running for office next?
Sorry to see SNL lose great material, but ok with that if economy gets fixed
affirmative action killed in Nebraska, haven't seen any coverage on same sex marriage votes
Abortion changes mostly all get shot down.
I wonder if Palin will appoint herself senator in Alaska since current Senator gets kicked out of office.... i'll say she will, to get to DC some how then run for Pres in 2012.
Reporter at Indiana U. just landed a permanent job... we'll see Luke Russert a lot in 4 years, RIP Tim, (sorry he didnt get to see this)
large crowd now at white house, shot of grant park, chicago again, office building in bkgrd w/ usa in office lights
ttfn, still on eastern standard time, feels like 2 am right now just b4 midnight
must be time for bed, i'm going slightly mental, bloodhound gang- kmwisf running thru my head
ttfn for realz this time, maybe not, a little World o' Warcraft first...
still watching while patch dowmloads... 100mil + voters, awesome
This only way this gets better is if Bush and/or Cheney drop dead in teh next 24 hours or so.

Fanboys

Metallica in Omaha this Thursday

I wonder how long it will take to recover this time. After the last tour came through Tampa 4 years ago, I couldn't use the phone for a month from eardrum pain.

Metallica |MTV Music

Monsters vs Aliens

Even though it looks like just one alien. Anyway, if you think that drugs are bad for people the throw out the majority of your music collection and don't watch this. Without drugs this is just not possible.


Probably will make it wayyyyy better.

Happy Halloween

I'm putting my big boots on and Julie is going to dress up as my daughter so I can get some candy. Have to balance things out. I can't wait to see the look on the kids face that gets the 4 month old candy bars I'm going to give out.

Metallica in Omaha

Next Thursday at the Quest center. 9th row. Hopefully nobody gets set on fire.

Metallica |MTV Music

Obama vs McCain

What if...?
Obama/Biden vs McCain/Palin, what if things were switched around?.....think about it. Would the country's collective point of view be different?
Ponder the following:
What if the Obamas had paraded five children across the stage, including a three month old infant and an unwed, pregnant teenage daughter?
What if John McCain was a former president of the Harvard Law Review?
What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?
What if McCain had only married once, and Obama was a divorcee? What if Obama was the candidate who left his first wife after a severely disfiguring car accident, when she no longer measured up to his standards?
What if Obama had met his second wife in a bar and had a long affair while he was still married?
What if Michelle Obama was the wife who not only became addicted to pain killers but also acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?
What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?
What if Obama had been a member of the Keating Five? (The Keating Five were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s.)
What if McCain was a charismatic, eloquent speaker? What if Obama couldn't read very well from a teleprompter?
What if Obama was the one who had military experience that included discipline problems and a record of crashing seven planes?
What if Obama was the one who was known to display publicly, on many occasions, a serious anger management problem?
What if Michelle Obama's family had made their money from beer distribution?
What if the Obamas had adopted a white child?
You could easily add to this list. If these questions reflected reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are?
This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.
Educational Background:
Barack Obama: Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in International Relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude
Joseph Biden: University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)
vs.
John McCain: United States Naval Academy - Class rank: 894 of 899
Sarah Palin: Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general studies
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in Journalism
Education isn't everything, but this is about the two highest offices in the land as well as our standing in the world.
You make the call.

Change

Wassup 2008

See more like this on kontraband.com

I guess the funny part is none of these situations are made up. Its all happening to you and everyone you know. Maybe one part or all situations to you and your family. Don't be a douche, be a dude, get out and vote next Tuesday. No excuses like work or taking kids to karate or whatever. Election Day should be a National holiday. Like the Burger King commercial, you voice your opinion everyday for things you want, but this one special time that happens once in four years, you do nothing. At the very least, let's get Obama into office so Elisabeth Hasselback from the view will shut up.

Worst Post Ever

I have no words for this, but it's just so damn weird I had to share. And if you are wondering, no I don't.

Half Blood Prince

This is a real teaser, since the movie has been pushed back until Summer of 2009.

Gran Torino

Probably Clint Eastwood's last film he will act in. I'm not sure if its actually Dirty Harry, but it might as well be.
HD Quicktime trailer

How dumb is Palin?

This dumb.

Qualified for Vice President?

Satan is pissed.

I didn't go down to Georgia.
First of all, I was kicked out of the Tampa area last winter, so if I was going to light out for the hot asphalt of Atlanta or Alpharetta, I'd have to go up to Georgia.
But nobody knows their geography these days. If they did, they'd be called the St. Petersburg Rays. That's where they play, after all.
Bitter, you ask?
Hel ... I mean, heck, yeah, I'm bitter. You'd be too if you were Evil Incarnate and you had a cush gig as the first word in a last-place team.
When that got turned around on me like Linda Blair's head, let me tell you, it burned -- for the first time in my life.
And then as soon as they lose me, they start winning? And now they're in the World Series? Please.
And that's not all of it. The reasoning behind all this madness was just pathetic. "Negative fan feedback" to my name, they called it.
Come on. Gimme a break.
Just listen to these people, drunk with nonsense like hope, optimism and fun, spouting off the sentiments that led to my, uh, firing. It's scary. And for me, that's saying something.
Here's Matt Silverman, team president, who didn't even have to sell his soul to me to get into Harvard: "If a name causes people to pause, if it somehow keeps them away from coming to the stadium, then it's something that needs investigating and that's what we'll be doing."
Yuck.
Or how about left fielder Carl Crawford, who has a reputation around the Majors as a nice guy??
"It feels like a fresh start," Crawford said when the uniforms changed colors -- still no red! -- and went to that horrible new winning name.
"It's like that feeling of going to school on the first day. You get to wear the new uniforms. It feels good. You know what they say, 'You play like you feel.' We feel good, we look good, so hopefully, we'll play good."
Dude, calm down with that "G" word. You used it four times in one sentence. I think I might hurl flames all over my keyboard.
This American League championship baseball team has simply added so much insult to these deep, personal injuries that I actually might drink a glass of ice water to forget the pain.
First of all, the one guy in their history that got me fired up, Damian Rolls (Full disclosure: He reminded me of my favorite son ... emotional moment ... tears ... a little smoke ... OK, I'm fine now) was released four years ago.
Then the team makes it to the Fall Classic with a manager (Joe Maddon), a closer (injured Troy Percival) and a bullpen coach (Bobby Ramos) who all came from the Angels!
And it gets worse.
While I was rooting for the only (former Arizona State Sun) Devil in the AL Championship Series, Boston's Dustin Pedroia, and he did his best to give my former team the hellacious beat-down it deserved, I was constantly interrupted.
But here's the real smoking deal from the guy who's in the details.
I'm stuck here in an Anytown, U.S.A., demon protection program, wearing a regular black suit, looking like an everyday schmo, and I'm supposed to root for this lovable team that went from worst to first and has the chance to take the World Series trophy to the Tampa Bay area for the first time in its 10-year history.
And I'm supposed to be happy.
Hmmm. Maybe I'll just go to Georgia instead.

Zack and Miri go see High School Musical

I heard you just woke up.
I did—late night. "High School Musical 3" premiere.

Are you serious?
I am. The kid's a huge fan. She's 9. I was kind of dreading it, but I thought it was kind of cute. It is kind of the antithesis of our movie. When people get excited in their movie, they sing. When people get excited in our movie, they bang each other.

Did you do any research for your movie?
I've been researching "Zack and Miri" since I was 11. Sometimes three times a day, depending on who was in the house.

The MPAA censored the original movie poster.
They felt it was too risqué, so we got stick-figure posters. They agreed that it was innocuous enough. Cut to this week, when some child-study expert said the poster was damaging.

How did you get Brandon Routh to play a gay porn star?
He's the boyfriend of a gay porn star. That's a key difference.

He wasn't worried about playing gay?
I asked him, "Do you have some sort of morals clause in your contract, being that you play Superman?" And he said, "What is this, 1940?"

Are you still writing comic books?
I have a new book, "Batman: Cacophony." Batman faces off against a character called Onomatopoeia. His shtik is that he doesn't speak, he just mimics the noises you can print in comic books.

Is that a real character?
He is now, bitch.

Now I get it.

The presence of booze fairies explains it all now. There must have been one gigantic fairy that came out of the umpteenth drink on Friday night. Had to have been large enough to hit me with a sledgehammer. I had completely no idea why some strange woman was trying to take off my pants. The next morning my wife told me I lost the ability to undress myself while I yelled at her "who are you? get away from me!"



Then another fairy apparently had a mission to tighten my neck bolts.
True story.

9=8

The new math works when you add 7.

I'm lost...

btw, a real man would never stop to ask for directions in the first place, so they should have known something was wrong.

Happy Birthday to me!

Why the Rays won't win.

Philly got it!

The British get it...

Why not Americans. That's because the masses settle for mediocrity. So anything outside of the norm can seem so special. Look, Bud Light is the best selling beer when it is widely rated as worst beers produced. McDonald's is the #1 fast food chain with food that will kill you. (comment deleted), just watch.

Rayhawk

Words cannot describe...

Hear me.

Now you know and knowing's half the battle.

Clint Malarchuk

Maybe this guy should just live in a plastic bubble. Rushed to hospital by helicopter, after shooting himself in the chin with a .22 rifle. Elmer Fudd here was hunting rabbits. That wiley wascal, I guess, had tired him out, so he rested the rifle between his knees when it went off. In case you don't remember the name, here's his video as a Buffalo Sabre.



Now a goalie coach with the Columbus Blue Jackets.

History Pwned

30 minutes, kill some time.

The ULTIMATE COMPILATION!!!
by phillyblacklite

Bridge to Nowhere

Its a nice walk to the bar, only 40 minutes plus in the right shoes I get great blisters! Such sacrifice to watch a Rays game. The video shows the Quest Center, and a condo sold based on the bridge getting built. A baseball stadium and park on the Iowa side to come later.

Rays win!!

First potential rookie of the Year, Evan Longoria puts up numbers that Barry bonds should have for the post season, 2 HR, 3RBI and a SB. But, I can't get that all in one clip. So next best is the beginning of a feud between the teams. Balfour (ha!) coming in for relief and almost starting a brawl and he didn't even bean a guy! Pure awesomeness by the Rays today. Winner of game one is something like 21-2 in Division series.

Hockey: Matrix style

RIP Paul Newman

1925-2008
I have a few movies to catch up on, and some eggs to eat.


Knife fight, no rules! Well if there ain't gonna be any rules, let's get the fight started. Someone count one two three go. onetwothreego!

Go Rays

Too bad they got it with a Sox loss. Anybody getting a mohawk for the playoffs. I haven't had a haircut since July. Might be time.

Meanwhile, lost in an area whose "SportsMachine" only features Nebraska and local HS football. Kill. Me. Now.

Didn't move to larger apt. Building failed inspection. Might be another month. Might not move at all.

I see USF football doing well, good test tonite by NC state, I think. Bucs going for 3 in a row.

Will change of management be good for Lightning like it was for Rays.

What great timing to leave Tampa Bay. I'm going to have to get satellite or something. The lack of good football is killing me. Good football= Bucs/Bills or anyone beating the Patriots. Wonder if Miami will try that against everyone all season and will more teams pick it up.

Excuse my stream of consciousness.

I saw some weird shit today. Three people standing outside fence of Planned Parenthood. The location was closed. Three people facing the building, just standing there, not talking. With Red tape over their mouths. Awesome protest guys!

Then I saw a guy in a suit and tie. Nobody wears a suit and tie on a Saturday (or any day I've seen , so far) in Couciltucky. Told ya, weirdness.

Oprah got pwnd

He said what?

Top Quotes From the 2008 Olympics
Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Summer Olympics:

1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'

2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'

4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'

5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'

6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'

8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'

9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

Oktoberfest

In case you didn't know, it officially kicks off Sept 20 until Oct 5 this year. I have my litre stein ready for the local festivities.

JCVD

This will be his best movie ever!

RIP Don LaFontaine

Died at 68 today.

Labor Day Weekend

I still don't want to write about the hell of moving. Maybe next week, but I might play World of Warcraft instead. Anyway, here's something to kill 1.5 hrs, maybe recover from a hangover of something. A plate of rainbow trout, scrambled eggs and roasted potatoes would help too.

8 gold medals, is that it?

Exactly like this

This is what it feels like to live in Nebraska/Iowa.

Finally!

Someone has made the rules!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Who would you pick?

I'd have to go with a third choice... ME!!

Happy Birthday Ray Park

Baseball's Fun

Secret to Long Life

Most guys that read/post this will probably say they are going to live forever.


Ernest Borgnine Secret to Long Life - Watch more free videos

Failure Pile in a Bowl of Sadness

My first week in Counciltucky has been a major shock to say the least. Driving to work I noticed that only cars from Iowa are insanely dirty. Clean car= Omaha, dirty car= Iowa. I was desperate for dinner and found some comfort food at Fazoli's. While sitting at the drive thru to take home some lasagna, I was overlooking a train yard and tractor trailer depot with dozens of dirty cars driving by. That gave me an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I almost started to cry based on that just a week before I had been on a beach at a 5 star resort I can walk into anytime. I could get a Mojito made with RedBull and toast marshmallows over the fire behind the beach bar.
The car ride from FL to here was uneventful. The most excitement came from the decreasing gas prices. I think I saw $3.47 yesterday. I arrive to find a apartment I did not ask for, even though what I wanted was available. It was Saturday and I told the office I was arriving on Friday. The leasing agent/bimbo had shown our apartment an hour before, only to discover the a/c was not working. Shouldn't someone have discovered this and fixed it already. First guy says its fixed and blowing cold. After I sweat thru the night they discover no coolant in unit. Plus, for added laughs, the refrigerator was not working. The weekend on-call service guy offers to bring in the next door apt's fridge. He just moved out. Great, some college douchebag's unclean icebox. Since the apt floor plan is a mirror image the door opens opposite of how mine should, so I have to stand in the laundry room to access the contents of said doppelganger icebox.
More hilarity comes from the hundred's of dead bugs on the window sills. The manager said he did a walkthru on Wed. Must have been midnight with the lights off to miss that and the 6 inch wide gouge in the window sill I can see from across the room because ITS WHITE!! and the walls are painted tan. So with the fridge off, I make my way to the nearest Hy-Vee. That's grocery store to you common folks. I felt like I was getting hives and should get a test for HIV after leaving that store. Special- previously frozen tuna, nice brown parts and fresh brown hamburger meat also. I really wanted to crawl into a tub and open some veins after I saw the beer section. It reminded me of the Blues Brothers inquiring about what kind of music the bar plays. "We got both kinds, country and western!" The wall cooler only had Bud Heavy/Light/Special, Coors, Miller brands.
To top it all of I still don't have my delivery from the movers. Yup, no furniture, clothes, cookware or beer mugs. I sleep on the inflatable bed and my wife is on the folded up down comforter on the floor.
I did manage a laugh from this trailer. Maybe my stuff will arrive by the time this gets out.

Dog Years

This is like the opposite of dog years, trying to get to Omaha. More like Redwood years, delayed another day, but all I have for furniture is the cushion off a chair and an inflatable bed. Hey Carpet, tell me how my ass tastes! This video is old, but if you haven't seen it before, its new to you!

Still playing W.O.W.?

or have you tried to quit. Just like I said I wasn't going to post anything. But when you have an empty home and you are awake before dawn, I just had to do something.

Dear Emo,

So, just about everything is packed and I'm just waiting for the movers tomorrow. What a pain in the ass. I am never moving again. Wait, what... Oh, yeah I forgot, or rather I tried to black out that I will be doing this same thing again one year from now. Well, it could be worse. My cat just asked me, "What could be worse than the middle of the country surrounded by nothing by corn?"

FUPA

I will probably not post for a week or so, since I am making my low sad trip to Omaha, Nebraska. I will actually be across the river in Iowa. Fucking IOWA! Nuck Febraska is my new favorite T-shirt. At least I can walk to the casino. Thought I would go out with a banger of a post. Enjoy.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

When Jim Carrey was funny.

I need some Colt 45

Ode to Beaker

Mork?

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button from HD Trailers on Vimeo.

Yippe Ki Yay ... !

Die Hard is 20 years old today. Take your pick of clips. First is some goofy music video, I kinda dig the beat, can't dance to i tho'. The second is NSFW.




This qualifies as a sucked in movie. Where if you are channel surfing and find this movie at any point you must stop and watch it. Even if it means that you waste your entire Sunday afternoon aqnd blow off chores you meant to do. Including, sitting thru the commercials if its edited on TBS.

Justin who?

Congratulations to Justin Morneau for winning the Home Run Derby. Too bad the stories tomorrow aren't going to be about you and instead about Josh Hamilton's 28 longballs in the first, his tattoos, his rehab-induced dream about doing this, and some writer somewhere just found an ending to his story.

Since the winner of the Derby is kind of irrelevant in the grand scheme of sports, if MLB had their way, they'd have probably stopped the contest after Hamilton's 28. Unfortunately, they put these rules in place, and dag nabbit, they're going to stick to them. As a result, Hamilton's reserve power stored in his arm ink finally dried up, and Morneau's five homers in the final was enough to beat (the redeemed former Tampa Bay Devil Rays first round draft pick) three. I was sitting there the whole time saying just miss a few on purpose and save some strength for later. Yeah, the records nice and all but others have weakened just the same.

The All-Star Game can't be any better than tonight. Unless Hamilton his the game-winning home run or something. (Or if Rick Reilly is impressive on camera.) Because already his story dwarfs Rick Ankiel's comeback. ("Oh, you came back from ... sucking at pitching? Well, congratu-fucking-lations, I don't remember most of 2005.")

The Dark Knight

I'm on my way to pick up tickets to a screening tomorrow night. Wife has to work.
WWBD?

Hypermill this!

Whiplash gets paid

Step 1: Train monkey and border collie. Step 2: Get seen on YouTube. Step 3: Profit!

Pimp Chef

Learn how to bitch slap a tilapia.

Dopey's elevator

He must have a fantastical bag of something good up there.

Sappy post of the Week

David Carle had booked his ticket to the National Hockey League draft weeks in advance. His bags were packed, but he never made it.

Carle had been a certain third-round pick as a defenseman, maybe a second-rounder. But just hours before the draft, he sent out a letter to all 30 teams, advising them not to pick him.

Two months before, at the end of his senior season at Shattuck-St. Mary's prep school in Minnesota, Carle led his team to a national championship, scoring a goal in a victory over Team Illinois in the USA Hockey 18-and-under Tier I final. He never suspected it would be the last game he would ever play... read the rest here.

Daily dose of WTF

I'm not skiing here.

This would never happen based on lack of American funny bones and too many lawyers. But, I guess Jackass could pull it off.


Insane Japanese Pranks - Watch more funny videos here

Diablo III

And btw, Happy July 4th!
WoW has a little competition. First Conan, now this. Looks great, wait for the final battle scene when the commentator shuts up after 7 min.
And btw, Happy July 4th!

I wanna be a fireman!

My dad volunteers as a fire policeman. Directing traffic and such. I don't think he will see this much. More likely a meth lab.

Greatest Moment in Sports

Ummm, I'll think no, but maybe the greatest moment in how not to recover from drinking too much the night before. Fast forward to the 4 minute mark for the money shot. This year, July 4th at 12pm-2pm on ESPN. Be there!


Also, in case you are bored this weekend, don't have fireworks and are really craving to blow something up...
What do you mean, "Don't try this at home!?" Of course, I'm going to try this at home. As soon as I can find an ostrich egg.